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Too much sex will kill you.

Too much sex will kill you - or so I've heard. However if you're not dead yet then you probably have nothing to worry about. Well, okay, maybe you've still got the worry of whether you're getting enough sex, given that the amount you're getting hasn't killed you (or even left you on life support).

If this is the case then be comforted by the fact that it's 'quality' not 'quantity' that counts.

Now that I've said that you're probably wondering about the quality you're getting. As a guide, remember, you get what you pay for. Don't complain if all you ever try is freebies. However free sex can be improved with a little work so try taking out the garbage or washing the dishes before hand - nothing like a bit of dirty foreplay - make it really special by doing the laundry too.

If you're one of the unfortunate few who get very little sex then help is at hand - well, really, it's just your hand but I'm told it can help. I expect they mean you can use your hand to wave people over that you'd be interested in getting to know more personally. Do this often enough and your sex life is bound to improve. It's a numbers thing.

For those of you getting no sex at all and are just dying to have sex, well the hand method might be good for you also? The idea of no sex killing you is even more worrying than too much sex achieving the same result.

Better to die with a smile on your face than a pained look of desperation.

The Danger of Meeting Monotany - Part III

Continuing my series of observations on lengthy Local Council meetings...
 
The Danger of Meeting Monotany - Part III
The Councilor.
 
Quite suddenly an astute member of the public gallery
called for the eternal damnation of the councilor who's
persistant questioning of every speaker was just cause
for his demise.
 
Unfortunately, on this occasion, the call fell unheard
except by the gallery and the sitting members.
Failing the anticipated bolt of lightening the member
of the public gallery was left with no choice but to be seated.
 
Whilst the meeting continued, the councilor, who had been the
target of the strangely absent awakening, noted that
he had been dutifully warned.
 
- TET, December 1, 2005
 

Specialist Kitchen Appliances.

In today's modern kitchen there is an appliance for almost everything. Breadmakers, toasters, grillers, sandwhich makers, electric fry pans, the list goes on.
 
The main thing about each of these items is that they're really good at just one thing. For example, a toaster is really good at making...you guessed it...toast.
 
Our kitchen bench tops are becoming more and more crowded with specialist appliances. Not to mention the lack of power outlets available to run them all.
 
I'm waiting for the day someone will invent a kitchen applicance that will merge all these cooking appliances into one unit and call it a 'stove'.
 
- TET, 23 Oct 2005
 

The Danger of Meeting Monotany, Part II

Public meetings are part of life as an elected member of local government however they're plagued by endless numbers of people who aren't professional speakers. This gives rise to...
 
The Danger of Meeting Monotany, Part II
 
The lengthy Public Meeting was needlessly interupted when one councilor,
in a move that would later be described as 'inspired',
leapt up and throttled the final speaker.
 
While the councilor's action was considered highly inappropriate,
the remaining attendees appreciated that they made it home
in time for an early supper.
 
- TET, 6th October 2005

Blogging for the very first time.

NB: The following two articles are taken from my Yahoo 360 blog which I have now discontinued. As described these were my first and second entries in that blog.
 
My first blog entry is more interesting than yours!
 
Your first blog entry is typically mundane as you stare at the screen wondering why on earth you ever thought a blog would be a good idea.
 
Initially you think, I'll write about me and the things I do, but then, when it comes to the crunch, you realise that, well, maybe your life isn't quite as interesting as you first thought. No? That can't be right? Actually your life is so interesting the problem is you don't know where to begin.
 
Where to begin...?
 
Ten minutes go by and you still haven't started. Not a word. Okay, well let's narrow it down a bit. What did you do today?
 
You rack you brain in a useless attempt to isolate that one juicy highlight of your day that will endear you to hundreds of readers world wide. When they read what you got up to...woo whoo!!
 
Ten more minutes go by. You're still looking at a blank screen. Obviously today was unusually slow, not like yesterday, yesterday well....wooo whoo!!! Can't write about yesterday though because that's old news. People don't want to read old news.
 
What to write? Hmmm....what to write?
 
Eventually it dawns on you that writing a blog is actually more work than you thought. For some reason it's also not quite as fun as you imagined. So you give up in frustration and enter your first lame post:
 
"This is my first entry in my new blog. Umm, didn't do much today. You suck if you don't leave a comment. I'm the best - yay!"
 
Well, maybe you'll post something a bit more interesting tomorrow.
 
- TET, 26 Sept, 2005
http://www.extraordinarytourist.com/ 

 

The infamous second blog entry.
 
Unlike your first blog entry the infamous second entry is destined to be of real interest to your readers because this time you're prepared. This time you've done some research.
 
Not only that, your readers will be stunned because you've got a scoop. Yes, that's right, your second post is 'hold the front page' kind of material. If they got hold of this at 'News of the World' they'd bump President Bush right off the front page - in fact they'd push him back to page three!
 
You've got a scoop and you're going to announce it to the world. It's your story. You were first on the scene when it happened. You have all the juicy details. The best part is...you're the only one who knows.
 
Okay. Calm down. You need to get this right. You sit poised, ready to begin the infamous second post. Just begin at the beginning...
 
Hmm...what to say? ...don't want to sound stupid because this is important.
 
Can't start with that...
 
Nope, can't start with that either.
 
Maybe if I start from a different angle?
 
Hmmmm... No that doesn't work either.
 
Once again you realise that even with research, writing a blog isn't easy. It takes a some writing skills to sound cool. You wonder how people ever find this kind of thing fun?
 
In frustration you give up and blurt out your infamous (but lame) second post:
 
"Rachael dumped Steve. I know cos I heard them talking behind the bike sheds! Rachael is hot. Steve's a loser. You suck if you don't leave a comment. I'm still the best - yay!"
 
News of the World will be kicking themselves for missing that scoop!
 
...maybe you had to be there...
 
- TET, 28th Sept, 2005
http://www.extraordinarytourist.com/
 

Time for a new look...again.

Some time back I discovered that I was really good at 'looking lost'. People would come up to me and say "you look a little lost?"
 
It happened a few times when I first started a new job. I'd be sitting at my desk, contemplating nothing in particular. From out of nowhere would come a voice "You look at little lost?".
 
I wasn't of course but the fact that it happened on several occasions lead me to believe I must be good at 'looking lost' - even when I wasn't.
 
Lately I've been told I 'look tired'.
 
"Are you okay, you look tired?"
 
Maybe I was tired at the time but no one really wants to be told they look tired.
 
It seems I've even developed a voice to go with my look. I've answered the phone the first thing people say is "sorry, did I wake you?"
 
This is most disconcerting because usually I've been awake for hours - who assumes you must have been sleeping at two in the afternoon?
 
'Looking tired' is not a good look at all. It's time I got a new look.
 
I think 'dumbfounded' would be a great look.
 
People would look at me and say "Oh no, did I do something wrong!"
 
-TET 22nd Sept 2005

The Danger of Meeting Monotany

Being an Elected member in Local Government means you attend a lot of meetings and are subject to all kinds of presentations about projects in the community. Below is my immediate response to one such presentation.
 
The project being described was fantastic and had obviously been worked on very hard by all involved. Unfortunately the presentation...well I think this sums it up:
 
 
The Danger of Meeting Monotany
 
In a freak stationery accident,
the councillor involuntarily stabbed
a pen through his own eye, causing
the meeting to be adjourned.
 
Whilst the rest of the sitting members
were concerned for the well being of
their colleague, never-the-less they
appreciated his adverse reaction to
the seemingly endless monotany.
 
- TET, Aug 1, 2005